You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
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Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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