I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
