A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
