I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We're facebook friends in real life
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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