Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I need a burrito and a hug.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i've created a new STD.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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