...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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