I want to have your abortion
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
