It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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