one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
