i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Randomize
