If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
