You're so nebulous sometimes
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
