Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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