It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize