You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
