God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
