White coat. Heels.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
