Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
