i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
