I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
