Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
