nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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