I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
