How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
