24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
