My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
