what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
