Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am one with the molecules
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
