shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
