chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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