This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
