I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
