By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.