highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration