My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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