Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
