my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
