I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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