well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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