i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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