Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
