I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
