I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
