We're facebook friends in real life
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
