I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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