nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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