VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
