i barfeds in our rink
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize