the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
