I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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