Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
