You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
