There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
