farters have to be the big spoon...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
