i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
