Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
