Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
