I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
