It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
