Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
