My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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