saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
