i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
