I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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