you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
