She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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