What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
