I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize