At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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