we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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