Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
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I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
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That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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